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So, I’m muckin’ about, peekin’ down alleys—*mimes binoculars, trips again*—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, winkin’ at me. Heart’s goin’ *thump-thump*, like I’m Dae-su Oh countin’ days in that cell! “Whether it’s a grain or a rock,” mate, I’m thinkin’, “I’m takin’ a chance!” She’s proper fit, but—*leans in, whispers*—I’m skint! No dosh! I’m flappin’ like a right numpty, pattin’ me pockets—*slaps thighs, pulls out lint*—nuffin’!

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By the end of the day, I’m knackered but happy. Coatbridge, man. It’s got its quirks, but it’s home. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Just another day in the life of a lumberjack, eh?

Councillors agree to charity Deaf Services Lanarkshire taking over Coatbridge building to house new base